it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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