I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
