I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
