we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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