You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.