ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked