Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?