he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.