Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.