May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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