True but thats because hes a fetus.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
