Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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