so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
