Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
