I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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