Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
