So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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