He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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