Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize