I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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