we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize