When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
