dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
