He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
