Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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