$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
