she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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