would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
