apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
