I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
