She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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