well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
