I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
