I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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