Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
