I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
