Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
