I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
