I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
