I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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