The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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