That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
