i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
