the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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