I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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