Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you will always have a special place in my vag
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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