I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
