You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
