TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
