i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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