My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So vagazzling was a success
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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