Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
