Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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