my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
