38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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