I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
