u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
