I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
