I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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