ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
