He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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