I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The adults are the big ones right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
