I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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