we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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