I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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