Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
