Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
