i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I died a long time ago.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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