i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
