Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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