so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
