so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
