I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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