...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
