Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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