WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
