remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
