I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
