Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
